all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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