Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
