I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
