Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
