hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
