In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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