We named our party play list daddy issues
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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