and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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