hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
