YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
