There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
