It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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