He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
