from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
