Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
