Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
