it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
jump out the window naked night went bad
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize