I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
