just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
