My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
