my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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