Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
