remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
