Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
