Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
