for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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