Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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