Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
