Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize