I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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