This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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