So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
