my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
