Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
