i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
