Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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