As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
