Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
