I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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