I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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