I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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