Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
