Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you win again, gameday.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
