i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
