On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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