I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize