he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
