Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
