final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
