oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
