My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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