His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
