either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
