Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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