She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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