her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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