Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
