do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize