went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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