well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
