That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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