mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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