Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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