his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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