Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
