Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
