Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
