and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
