Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
