but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
