He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
