I can text with my tongue
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
