he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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