even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i've created a new STD.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize