Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He? As in you personified your dick?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
