Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
