I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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