my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize