Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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