You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
