Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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