One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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