What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
