i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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