So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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