I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
