Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
