Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want her autograph on my taint
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
