Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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