well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
