If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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