she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize