she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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