He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
