It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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