i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
