How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
