I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just shotgunned beers for America
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
