i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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